Voldemort's FunDay
by The Emerald Oinker
Summary: [complete] It popped into my head and I wrote it. Voldemort and the Death eaters have a day at home and enjoy fingerpainting while our favourite professor snoozes on the floor *awww*.“Who played Snakes and Ladders last month?”


Voldemort's new toy

(Green_Pig: Well…I dunno….I was bored….I spent work experience week in a primary school so I guess some of the ways of little children and teaching them has rubbed off into this story…lol)

**DISCLAIMER:** None of these characters belong to me…hey, would I really want such men?They are the property of J.K. Rowling and quite frankly, she can keep 'em! Hehe!

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**Voldemort's Fun-day**

Picture the scene, a dark haunting collapsing old building full to the brim of cobwebs and nasty smelly things.One of these things happens to be sitting erect and happily in an old dingy rotting chair, a chair that has holes and mice crawling about inside it, a chair that has seen much better days it must be said.Circling the figure hunched in his chair are the slimiest villains that ever walked the earth and, Nagini - the Dark Lord's faithful companion.Where is Wormtail?

There seems to be a large bulge in the snake and it looks very content and seemingly lethargic.Voldemort, the Dark Lord, grins baring his gleaming white teeth, sharp as needles and as annoying as the Cheshire cat.Assembled before him in a neat and mathematically accurate circle are his Death Eaters, hooded in black robes and all as silent as the moon.There are gaps in the circle and these can be explained by the departure of two Dark wizards, Peter Pettigrew aka Wormtail:

"We shall never see the likes of him again." Voldie mused absentmindedly patting Nagini's swelling stomach."I really shouldn't have forgotten to get you your daily meal of rat should I?My, my we are losing members so quickly these days."

Walden Macnair, who seemed to have had an accident whilst shaving one morning…

"I told him time and time again to use the new Phillips three blade shaver…" He grumbled shaking his head in his right hand disappointedly.

Then there was that one, that Severus Snape who hadn't arrived on time.

"He shall have to pay for messing up my well kept schedule." Voldie mumbled sulkily, slipping further into his deep chair so that his robes were pulled up and gave him the look of a teenager not allowed to go out to a party with his best friend where that girl who he had fancied for the last year would surely be.

The Death eaters are standing patiently waiting for Snape to arrive when out of the blue, he appears in a heap where in his aligned slot at eleven O'clock to Voldie's chair – the Dark Lord had been quite particular about those measurements.

"You're late." He says tapping his new sports watch on his left arm.

"Sorry." Snape replies picking himself up and ringing out his dripping wet robes over the carpet.

"That's new!" Voldie hisses clenching his fists.

"Wha?" Snape has a strange glazed look in his eyes as he tilts his head and looks down at the soaked red carpet."New? Red?"

"What's wrong with red?"

"Are you trying to turn this place into a Brothel?Great!When do the women arrive?" It is clear to all assembled now that Snape is completely drunk as an unemployed on welfare.As suspected that was the reason he was swaying so much, then pulling from his robes a bottle of Cooli-Vooli – a highly dangerous and subsequently illegal alcoholic beverage – he throws back the whole pint in one guzzle and smiling a crooked, inane grin giggles like a school girl toppling backwards like a plank of wood and passing out completely.

Voldie is not impressed.Crossing his thin bony arms across his chest he glares at his most trusted of minions now snoozing and giggling occasionally in his drunken state.A few seconds pass in silence, the Death Eaters twitching nervously most with cramps in their legs after standing there for so long.Voldie reaches down to the side of his chair and picks up a piece of parchment and a green quill.He sucks on the end to get it working then scribbles a little note on the top.

"Who's here…Lucius?"

"Yes Lord."

"Crabbe?Goyle?" Small grunts of recognition come from eight and nine O'clock."I'll take that as a yes then." He reads on and they answer with "Yes." Or "Here Lord." Then as if a dark and heavy cloud is lifted, the room echoes with quiet, happy and excitable mutterings from everyone.

"Yes, yes.Settle down now my cronies." Voldie softly says lifting his hands and standing.Nagini slips up his leg to hang around his neck like a fur coat.She hisses like soft laughter."It is time to put our work aside and give you something rewarding to do.Yes, it is time for some fun because today is your long awaited monthly Fun-day."The hooded figures become restless and mutter louder.

"Who played Snakes and Ladders last month?"

"I did sir!"

"Okay Nott you can play in the sandpit today.Off you go."Nott lets out a childish whoop of joy and skips out of the room.

"Oo! Can I play in the sand too sir?" Lucius pipes in an exceptionally high squeaky voice.

"Off you go then. But you won't be able to do some painting until Christmas, when your next turn comes around."Lucius lowers his hand and puts it to his mouth thinking about it.

"I'll stay here then…" He grumbles.So the Death Eaters are sorted, Nott went to the sand pit downstairs one floor and Lucius went and joined Crabbe and Goyle at the painting corner and fought over the blue for the rest of the night.Voldie had to eventually take it away from them and that caused some glum looks.Snape was left in the middle of the floor snoring louder and louder as the night went on.

At three in the morning everyone was getting sleepy and tired and stood around in their circle in front of Voldie, who was stroking Nagini's chin and mumbling sweet nothings into her ear.

"Had enough?" He said stretching out in his chair. "Is Nott not back yet?"

"No." Someone unheard of in any of the books mumbled under their cloaks in a deep gruff voice.

"Well go and fetch him then Lucius." Lucius trotted out happy as a lamb.

Then didn't return for three more hours.

"Where is that boy?" Voldie said striding to the door and opening it.His cronies had drifted off the sleep and were curled up in corners sucking their thumbs."Get up! We have to look for Malfoy and Nott!"They reluctantly formed a line and followed their master out of the room down to the next floor.

They could hear low groans.

"Oh no…" Voldie sighed closing his eyes and halting in front of his followers."Stay here.There are two very naughty boys in the sand pit… I _knew _I shouldn't have let him go off for him.The way they've been at it at every opportunity this year!" He walked around the corridor leaving his men to hang back and wait.They heard:

A door opened.

An awkward silence.

"When I said 'Fun-day', I didn't mean _this._"

"Sorry."

"Oopsie."

"You've ruined you robes now, look at you! Shame on you, you dirty buggers!"The group assembled outside began giggling and giving each other suggestive looks like: 'How you doin'?'But they couldn't hold those thoughts for long because Voldie had returned with Lucius trailing behind with his hands in his pockets looking grumpy because his fun had been spoiled and Nott, smiling innocently and brushing down his robes.

"Well that's it for tonight then men." Voldie said leading them back to his room with the smelly old chair. "You may leave and tomorrow we can continue our work by destroying some innocent Muggles, wouldn't that be fun eh?" They all nodded and bowed before dissaparating leaving Snape alone and snoring on the carpet like he had been since arriving earlier that night.

"What shall we do with you then?" Voldie said looking down at him."Nagini – have him."Nagini slithered off him and opened her wide jaws to devour the snoozing Snape.

**END**

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(Green_Pig: If you didn't like this…I don't care because neither do I! Just send me a review if you think this story deserves one! Bye bye! ^_~)


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